NOTES ON MY LIFE

I Need A Faith Makeover

January 13, 2025

The last 15 years of my life have been unpleasant (thankfully, I’ve had a handful of highs), and the last 2.5 years have been exceptionally challenging. Unsurprisingly, my faith has been fumbling.

Looking back on my thirties, I gave too much authority to my “trauma, disobedience and unbelief” (quoting Leah Albright-Byrd), which partially placed me in the not-so-ideal position I’m in today.

Now that I’m in my early forties, I find myself focusing on the circumstances I won’t be able to control as I age.

Life on this planet could (will) get harder in the forthcoming years, so I need to think through some tough thoughts about the Christian faith.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines faith as follows: allegiance to duty or a person; something that is believed especially with strong conviction; or, belief and trust in and loyalty to G-d.

Tim Mackie, Ph.D., the lead scholar and creative director of the BibleProject, says this of biblical faith: “Christian faith—especially faith in the book of Hebrews—is about life in this in-between time; after the cross and resurrection, [and] before Jesus’ return. It’s faith in G-d’s promises…”

In merging these definitions, I’m asking myself if I’ll continue to trust, be loyal to and love G-d when increasing disappointments, inconveniences, tragedy and illness strike.

If I never meet a man who desires a fruitful marriage with a neurodivergent, perimenopausal and wounded woman like myself, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If I, a photographer, become blind in my left eye—a possibility noted by my ophthalmologist, following a thorough eye exam—will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If my dysphagia returns, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If I become an unhoused person due to an unforeseen illness that prohibits me from working, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If I, someone who’s loved dancing since I was a toddler, permanently lose my ability to move my limbs due to an unexpected car accident or a stroke, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If I, someone who loves music—especially when paired with films—become deaf, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If I, someone who values my mind (and appreciates that my brain is functioning somewhat well), find myself diagnosed with brain cancer or Alzheimer’s disease and therefore unable to write much or at all, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

If setting women on fire becomes a trend in America this year, will I cling to Christ and His promises when I read stories like that of Ashanti Downey and Debrina Kawam?

As violating and murdering women for their melanin becomes the new normal, will I cling to Christ and His promises, as I fear for my safety?

As more pandemics, genocides, hostage crises and humanitarian crises erupt, will I cling to Christ and His promises?

As of now, I don’t have a definite “Yes” to all of these questions. So, assuming there are no threats to my life this year, I’ll be wrestling with G-d plus rethinking the reality of life, sin, free will and the Afterlife.

References: BibleProject Podcast Series. Hebrews Study. Episode 7. What Is Faith? January 15, 2018. Timecode 7:12 to 7:25.